Hello?

"I'm not hanging up...This is me saying Good Bye. I have to go now..." Isn't it funny that as human beings we seem to learn best by our mistakes? Self administered Aversion Therapy. As small children Mommy told us not to touch that!...but we had to anyway. It burned us, fell on us or broke on us. We cried, we healed and we went on a little wiser for the experience.

But there is one particular area that it seems some of us REALLY can't get it into our brain that we are allowing our self get hurt; personal relationships. When it comes to love and friendship there is a part of us that seems to just be inanely stupid. Seemingly very intelligent people get themselves involved in things with people that might as well be wearings sings that say; "Pick me! I will help burn you, push you until you fall and break you (and your heart)." Why is this? Why is it so hard to let go of something that emotionally hurts? When we instinctively grab the handle on the iron skillet on the stove (forgetting it does not have an insulated handle) we immediately let go. We don't keep holding on waiting for our hand not to get seared to a perfect golden brown like tuna; WE LET GO! But when we are in a heated argument we have to stay there to WIN! at all costs. Perplexing to say the least.

Fortunately we posses "brain plasticity", the ability to change. The brain is designed to change this is what allows us to keep learning and growing emotionally. Letting go before we get hurt is a product of the process of associating a bad past experience and then using that information to keep us out of harms way. Now it is true that you can become emotionally scarred and go too far the other way which is not good either. Just hiding until your lights go out will not equal a fulfilled life either. So how do you balance? Pay Attention.

The reason you grab the handle on the iron skillet is because you are on proverbial "auto pilot". Most of our pots and pans are equipped with insulated handles that keep us from getting burned so we forget to assess the situation on a case by case basis. This causes us to be shocked when it is too hot to handle, but we quickly draw from our previous life lessons to let go. If we make a conscious effort to become more aware we will see many "dangerous situations" waiting to happen and act accordingly so we completely avoid the hurt or in the instance that we encounter something we could not have foreseen like reaching for a hot metal door handle that has been in the sun for four hours, at least we can react quickly to get us back to safety as soon as possible and LET GO!

Digressing to the opening line, it's the letting go that matters in the immediate. While we hang in the relationship/situation that is making us miserable that ultimately will keep hurting until we let go, we are just not doing what we know we should do. Even if you feel it is your fault; miserable and hurting is bad. Letting go, healing and LEARNING THE LESSON is good. Sometimes we have to let go, it's OK, really.

Not all Marshmallows are for Eating

When my daughter Allyson was working at the pet store miscellaneous additional residents arrived in our home unannounced. These included; several fish, an African dwarf frog, a fresh water shrimp and one unintended addition a pink-eyed white mouse.

The mouse was supposed to be delivered to a friend of hers as dinner for a snake. She was just stopping in for a minute and it was a hot day so she brought in the plastic container with the obviously shaken tiny little guy so he wouldn’t roast in the car- kind of an ironic action. She placed the container on the kitchen counter and I asked “What is that?” She explained his fate to which I replied “He looks like a little marshmallow. I can’t let you feed him to a snake.” and his ultimate fate was sealed.

On board, Allyson returned to the pet store and another mouse was picked up to be sent to his fate at her friend’s house. This one, left in the car when she returned with a cage for our new addition and other rodent necessities for his comfort. I asked her if a cage was OK. Questioning if it might not hold him. Working at a pet store clearly made her an expert so when she explained it would be a cleaner environment and the close space between the bars would keep him in I proceeded to set him up in his new habitat on the same counter where Marshmallow’s destiny had been altered.

The center of attention for the next hour or so, Allyson’s step-father said he didn’t really like having a “rat” in the house but realized he had been over ruled. Lilly my granddaughter heard him and began calling him the “Marshmallow Brat” to soon be known as Marsh. The fanfare faded off and Marsh seemed to be settling in nicely so we got on with life. Just by chance I decided to check on him again. Something didn’t look right. Looking closer I noticed he had squeezed through the bars and he was behind the cage! I grabbed him by the tail and found a small plastic aquarium that was currently unoccupied to put him in. Not having been bred for the wild his life had been saved twice in one day. Allyson returned the cage and exchanged it for a safer easy to clean small glass aquarium that was inescapable.

Marsh flourished in his new home. We got used to the perpetual squeaking of the wheel throughout the night and he quickly learned what fresh produce and popcorn was. We often have Chinese wonton soup that comes with crunchy noodles that my granddaughter loved to snack on even before she had teeth. We ended up calling them “Chinese Baby treats”. She eventually would share them with the dogs, so they were then called “Chinese Dog and Baby treats”. One day she wanted to give one to the mouse and we discovered that he LOVED them! So now they were “Chinese Mouse, Dog and Baby treats”. As you might figure Marsh was quickly growing into a chubby not so tiny guy.

Now pegged a sucker at the pet store, there was a hamster with a tumor in his head that got sent to our house to give him some “life before death.” He lived out a couple of months with the same pampered life as Marsh. Eventually the tumor got so large one eye was forced shut and he could no longer drink water from the spout. Every little while for a few days I gave him a drink with an eye dropper. He would put his little paw on my finger and drink a few drops then return to the corner to sleep. Then the day came when he didn’t wake up. He was buried under the willow tree in the yard and his larger aquarium which was now a much better fit for his size became Marsh’s new home.

After about a year Marsh’s perfect charmed life was interrupted by a condition he developed called Mouse OCD. Mice exhibit increased anxiety and compulsive behaviors associated with OCD, such as excessive grooming. At one point he had scratched all the fur off his chest and upper arms and he stopped running in his wheel. I would actually hear him squeak in pain and I would speak softly to him which seemed to bring some comfort. Articles suggested adding things to chew on as a diversion but he continued to groom himself raw. The only thing I could think of doing was try to help him heal. He seemed to be losing his appetite as too. I got him some vitamins actually meant for larger rodents. He was not doing well and I figured what did I have to lose? To my relief they did help some. But he still kept scratching. Mostly his left side of the face now and his face was puffy but his appetite was returning and he was beginning to run in his wheel again.

Allyson had warned me that his life expectancy was less than a year. By New Year’s Day 2012 he had already beaten the expected life span by six months. Last night he crawled into his little log filled with fluff he arranged as his warm comfy bed and went to sleep forever. Good Night Marsh, sleep tight. I hope they have Chinese mouse treats in mouse heaven.

RIP Marsh 2010-2012

Seeing Red

One of his students asked Buddha "Are you the messiah?" "No", answered Buddha . "Then are you a healer?" "No", Buddha replied. "Then are you a teacher?" the student persisted. "No, I am not a teacher." "Then what are you?" asked the student exasperated. "I am awake", the Buddha replied...The Buddha possesses the wisdom of the ages. I meditated with the Buddha this morning for direction and was instructed to burn two vanilla tea lites on a dull flat reddish stone. The vanilla soothed my melancholy insecurity and increased my senses while the dull red stone gave off a very apparent red glow in the candle light. This alerted me my red chakra was blocked which was what was causing me great anxiety among other issues as it is the first chakra and there would be no life without it as it supports in our body. In all humans the red chakra is active.

There are seven in all colors of the spectrum - our "invisible organs". They explain why light is nourishment to our bodies. Next the orange chakra brings understanding of how your actions affected the world this chakra is also active in all humans. The yellow chakra brings understanding of how the world affects you and broadens your realm of feeling and ability to analyze possible outcomes before they have occurred. It is not active in all humans and as we get further into the spectrum, one must work consciously activate them. The green chakra becomes activated, when you have reached an deep emotional understanding of self and others. Now very sensitive, not only can you feel deep love but pain in its absence. The blue chakra active lets you analyze things in a more advanced way. Usually only active in very charismatic people who can now master the ability to think in a deeper way and influence people to respond in their desired way. The indigo chakra causes your intuition, spiritual abilities & senses as well as the physical to be heightened beyond the average. The violet chakra is the spiritual one. It is the link to the source from which you came, to God. When this chakra is activated, it changes from violet to white.

This is a quick overview, just the tip of the iceberg. This fascinating subject is complex and requires much further study to grasp completely. When we understand more of our self and our world, our soul evolves. Buddhists believe that souls are continually passed on. You may get pangs of a past life and may already be an old soul further enlightened than you know and that annoying pest pillaging your cupboard or buzzing around your head just might be someone you once knew. Something to think about before you stomp or swat...

Hello Red Dragonfly photo by DMThompson Copyright 2011 GoldenMark, Ltd. All Rights Reserved.

Only in Chicago

50 degrees? 50 degrees in December, in Chicago? OK so it's only supposed to go up to 49 degrees. Still... Then again there is supposed to be snow tomorrow. As they say if you don't like the weather in Chicago, wait a few minutes. Very cliche but so true. I don't remember 50 degree days in December growing up. I hated winter because as a kid I (and my siblings) walked to school. Down the block, under the viaduct, past the highway, turn right at the next corner then all the way down to Hiram H. Belding school. I did this for nine years, kindergarten through eighth grade. In all the ridiculous Chicago weather, monsoons, hail storms, blizzards, tornadoes, searing heat, etc.(my recollection may be skewed a bit by post-traumatic stress disorder from just having to go to grammar school, but that's another story), my Mom would still send us out and to add insult to injury we had to go home for lunch and repeat the process.

In fact, despite the weather if you wanted to get somewhere you walked. A lot of times by yourself. You found yards to cut through, alleys, an occasional wooded lot, railroad tracks to follow and highway ramps to cross over. Thinking about it, it is actually amazing that we weren't abducted or worse. Back then we would often forget to lock the doors and not think twice about it. My Mom used to say that "Things like that didn't happen back then." I think more likely we just did not hear about it. Newspapers only came out daily, or even weekly and the TV news was more about the rest of the world. Today in our world of instant communication if something happens we are there almost immediately if we are not there to begin with.

None the less I survived those walks and the weather. Looking back those days seem surreal now and conjure up memories of my walks that create scenes worthy of fine bone china plates. Thoughts of wintery paths along the snow covered railroad tracks and long grasses and wild flowers waving in the wind on the sides of the highway in the summer give way to the obvious; "What the hell was I thinking?!"

Monarch on the Wild Flowers photo by DMThompson Copyright 2010 GoldenMark, Ltd. All Rights Reserved

A humble grain of sand...

On the shelf in my office there is a photo collage from when my daughter Beth and I took a trip to Mexico and visited the ancient ruins of Tulum high on a bluff that overlooks the beautiful blue Caribbean Sea and the white sand beach below. I began to recall that the heat was scalding and the place was mesmerizing. I had taken several photos of one building that had an elaborate relief mask that profiled from either side and from the corner angle commanded your complete attention. As a diversion from my tasks my mind wandered back to the hot beach. I was alone, neither my daughter or any of the other tourists who had chartered with us existed any longer.

Unaccompanied as I circled the buildings. I imagined I stopped at the entrance of the Tulum's tallest building, a watchtower the Spaniards called El Castillo, meaning The Castle. I knelt down to touch the hot stone steps and imagined the bare footed inhabitants who built this amazing place with simple tools and bare hands. The Mayan were not tall or brawny. The men were about five feet tall and women were around four feet tall. They walked those steps without any thought of the blistering heat beneath their feet. And then further imagining I strolled towards the sound of the waves and stood dangerously close to the edge of the cliff to get a better view as wind whipped my hair into my mouth.

With no distractions I realized that when I was there I was awestruck looking at the sand. Perfect sand. I remembered then a quote from St. Therese of Lisieux referring to her chance at sainthood "There is the same difference between the saints and me as there is between a mountain whose summit is lost in the clouds and a humble grain of sand trodden underfoot by passers-by. Instead of being discouraged, I told myself: God would not make me wish for something impossible and so, in spite of my littleness, I can aim at being a saint. It is impossible for me to grow bigger, so I put up with myself as I am, with all my countless faults. But I will look for some means of going to heaven by a little way which is very short and very straight, a little way that is quite new."

St. Therese has walked with me since I was a child and I have always been drawn to water. I found many answers to many perplexing questions in my prayers to her and while strolling on the beach listening to the surf. Lately I was feeling small and defeated. Questioning my ability to handle the rebuilding of my life. My parents (who have passed on) came to me last night in a dream and were encouraging me to rebuild my office with sand as my only abundant resource. I needed to see the bigger picture, see the possibilities and gather strength from other "little people" who accomplish great things and made a difference, a great difference. I scanned one of my photos to remind me I can accomplish great things in my work if I just look past the sand.


Relief Mask Tulum Ruins on the Caribbean Sea photo by DMThompson Copyright 2012 GoldenMark, Ltd. All Rights Reserved by DMThompson Copyright 2011 GoldenMark, Ltd. All Rights Reserved

Lunch Anyone?

2011 Bye now... Hello 2012! I have a deep focus on 2012. BIG changes and personal and professional challenges ahead and I am really looking forward to both. To begin I have decided to get rid of the "tomorrow bin" on my desk and the virtual one in my head. To explain. the "tomorrow bin" is in actuality a pile of stuff next to me on my desk. Most of the things inside that mess could well have been completed or discarded almost immediately. But for sheer procrastination and deep seeded indecision they remain as do the nagging piled up thoughts in my head. So moving forward I have realized that if they were able to be put there, they don't matter much. Anything that really matters to us we do without effort. Ah ha! There lies the key. There may be things that the powers that be in your life may insist you do and in their time frame. However, until you are inspired to make the move their insistence is moot. Ultimately even when we feel like it isn't our choice ironically it is. Yes, opening the safe for the robbers to steal the cash is probably not one of the things anyone would prefer to do. Given that scenario though the person who opened the safe did you because they chose it as the best option at the time. So it is really about doing what we can to keep ourselves in situations where we have the most potential to want the outcome. The more situations in our lives that produce the desired feelings and responses from others will help us to complete the tasks that the powers that be in your life insist you do. A few less desired actions are palatable if they are sandwiched in between the good stuff and it makes you hungry for more :) DMT

Lunch Anyone? photo by DMThompson Copyright 2010 GoldenMark, Ltd. All Rights Reserved