"I'm not hanging up...This is me saying Good Bye. I have to go now..." Isn't it funny that as human beings we seem to learn best by our mistakes? Self administered Aversion Therapy. As small children Mommy told us not to touch that!...but we had to anyway. It burned us, fell on us or broke on us. We cried, we healed and we went on a little wiser for the experience.
But there is one particular area that it seems some of us REALLY can't get it into our brain that we are allowing our self get hurt; personal relationships. When it comes to love and friendship there is a part of us that seems to just be inanely stupid. Seemingly very intelligent people get themselves involved in things with people that might as well be wearings sings that say; "Pick me! I will help burn you, push you until you fall and break you (and your heart)." Why is this? Why is it so hard to let go of something that emotionally hurts? When we instinctively grab the handle on the iron skillet on the stove (forgetting it does not have an insulated handle) we immediately let go. We don't keep holding on waiting for our hand not to get seared to a perfect golden brown like tuna; WE LET GO! But when we are in a heated argument we have to stay there to WIN! at all costs. Perplexing to say the least.
Fortunately we posses "brain plasticity", the ability to change. The brain is designed to change this is what allows us to keep learning and growing emotionally. Letting go before we get hurt is a product of the process of associating a bad past experience and then using that information to keep us out of harms way. Now it is true that you can become emotionally scarred and go too far the other way which is not good either. Just hiding until your lights go out will not equal a fulfilled life either. So how do you balance? Pay Attention.
The reason you grab the handle on the iron skillet is because you are on proverbial "auto pilot". Most of our pots and pans are equipped with insulated handles that keep us from getting burned so we forget to assess the situation on a case by case basis. This causes us to be shocked when it is too hot to handle, but we quickly draw from our previous life lessons to let go. If we make a conscious effort to become more aware we will see many "dangerous situations" waiting to happen and act accordingly so we completely avoid the hurt or in the instance that we encounter something we could not have foreseen like reaching for a hot metal door handle that has been in the sun for four hours, at least we can react quickly to get us back to safety as soon as possible and LET GO!
Digressing to the opening line, it's the letting go that matters in the immediate. While we hang in the relationship/situation that is making us miserable that ultimately will keep hurting until we let go, we are just not doing what we know we should do. Even if you feel it is your fault; miserable and hurting is bad. Letting go, healing and LEARNING THE LESSON is good. Sometimes we have to let go, it's OK, really.
But there is one particular area that it seems some of us REALLY can't get it into our brain that we are allowing our self get hurt; personal relationships. When it comes to love and friendship there is a part of us that seems to just be inanely stupid. Seemingly very intelligent people get themselves involved in things with people that might as well be wearings sings that say; "Pick me! I will help burn you, push you until you fall and break you (and your heart)." Why is this? Why is it so hard to let go of something that emotionally hurts? When we instinctively grab the handle on the iron skillet on the stove (forgetting it does not have an insulated handle) we immediately let go. We don't keep holding on waiting for our hand not to get seared to a perfect golden brown like tuna; WE LET GO! But when we are in a heated argument we have to stay there to WIN! at all costs. Perplexing to say the least.
Fortunately we posses "brain plasticity", the ability to change. The brain is designed to change this is what allows us to keep learning and growing emotionally. Letting go before we get hurt is a product of the process of associating a bad past experience and then using that information to keep us out of harms way. Now it is true that you can become emotionally scarred and go too far the other way which is not good either. Just hiding until your lights go out will not equal a fulfilled life either. So how do you balance? Pay Attention.
The reason you grab the handle on the iron skillet is because you are on proverbial "auto pilot". Most of our pots and pans are equipped with insulated handles that keep us from getting burned so we forget to assess the situation on a case by case basis. This causes us to be shocked when it is too hot to handle, but we quickly draw from our previous life lessons to let go. If we make a conscious effort to become more aware we will see many "dangerous situations" waiting to happen and act accordingly so we completely avoid the hurt or in the instance that we encounter something we could not have foreseen like reaching for a hot metal door handle that has been in the sun for four hours, at least we can react quickly to get us back to safety as soon as possible and LET GO!
Digressing to the opening line, it's the letting go that matters in the immediate. While we hang in the relationship/situation that is making us miserable that ultimately will keep hurting until we let go, we are just not doing what we know we should do. Even if you feel it is your fault; miserable and hurting is bad. Letting go, healing and LEARNING THE LESSON is good. Sometimes we have to let go, it's OK, really.
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